A Shattered Memory

The following is why today I celebrate LIFE. It is a lot of reading and no pictures...but may it be a blessing to you to read. This is why Kiser Krafts is very dear to me. Why it is SO important. Let me take you back nine years...

The day was just like any other: work, plans for the weekend, and 'normal' life. Blessings were all around me, though at the time, I was too self absorbed to see them clearly. God had arranged so much. To protect me. To guide me. To show His love for me.

A celebration of love had past, wedding of my cousin Lisa to the love of her life Adam. I was involved in the wedding weekend. And I know it was a blast! Pictures tell me so. It was a huge weekend and so important to me. Then focus shifted back to where I needed it to be, though it was still not fully on what I was suppose to be. The Mexico missions trip earlier that year, June, had my heart and spirit on the wings on missionary work and the need to head to bible college. I "hemmed & hawed", slightly dragging my feet. I was where "I" thought I should be. Working. Working. And Working. The massage world had my attention. Custodial world had my loyalty. I worked. I worked hard. And I was useless. My heart was not right. My actions, oh yes, they were right. I did as I was told and followed everyone else. But in the end God saw so much more that I could do. But not the way I was. Not the self centered, egotistical, prideful women I was. (*note*: I am human and fight against those things everyday - I do fail, miserably sometimes) God provided a way.

God broke my car down. And my loving Dad lent me his. While my brother and Dad looked into what might be wrong with my car, I drove a state the art, brand new, car(one with all the "bells and whistles" that my parents had saved up to afford, their blessing). God made a way. The morning of August 12, 2004, I got up. Dressed in my favorite outfit for work, overalls. It was a normal day. And I don't remember it. Nor do I remember the weeks prior, my business, my college training, high school, and childhood. God wiped it all clean. I hit a tree with my Daddy's car. His new car. The one I was only borrowing. Totaled. I was trapped inside and not found for an estimated two hours. But God had a plan, it was all arranged. A lady found me on her way to work, on a route she never takes. She saw taillights on the side of the road and was curious enough to stop to investigate. My injuries were broken right wrist, broken left leg/ankle, and blood on the left frontal and left temporal lobes of my brain. My only helicopter ride and I was unconscious. 

Here is where I know God had is His hands on everything. My purse went from the front to the back and spilled out my checkbook and drivers license. She then recognized my last name. And called my parents. The scariest phone call a parent could ever receive. I was less then 2 miles from my home when the accident happened. It is true most accidents happen close to home. I am sure the next hours were the most terrifying hours of my parents lives. They lost me a total of three times(I died). Twice on the side of the road and once in the Emergency room. But God sent me back every time. He was not finished with me yet. The time was harder on my family, then it was on me. I really only had to recover but I struggled with a lot of things. Struggles that reach to even today. Amnesia is a hard thing, a lonely thing. God is always there, so I remind myself I am not alone. To not remember something that everyone in the room knows, is discouraging. To have a word that is spoken in an everyday conversation that you don't understand nor know its meaning, can leave one feeling lost and confused. To face the looks one gets when you asked for a definition, a further explanation, or you do not ask at all in hopes of remembering the word later so you can look it up. If you can store that knowledge in your brain for later on. I pray for remembrance of the important things(daily). I can rely on God to give me what I need to know when I need to know it. God provided a way.

Nine years have past. Nine years of healing, relearning, mistakes (A LOT of mistakes), re-growth, re-newness, and many many many blessings. Within those eight years: I moved, changed jobs, went to college states apart from my family, made mistakes, met the love of my life, moved states, and was given a beautiful family of my very own. God gave me the knowledge I would need for the blessing of my husband and two children. I praise the Lord each morning when I know my name and where I am. To remember that I'm married and have kids. I do my best to not live in fear of forgetting. It is scary to not know your name or know the people closest to you (Mom, Dad, spouse, etc.). I am grateful for the flashbacks when they happen but they do not always stick. My poor husband has told me a few times I have had the same flashback repeatedly. While he has heard it before, it is new to me. I am so thankful God gave me an understanding husband. Eight years, wow, so short a time, yet for me, a lifetime. It is the new beginning for me and God has given me so much within that time.

I am so thankful for the therapies we were given. The main one was crafting. I have always been creative and some things were so ingrained into my natural person that creating things helped draw my brain back.

The main craft that helps is crochet. Crochet literally saved my life. With crochet, I can live my life. I’m not sure if it is the rhythm of making loops or the calm you receive by just sitting still with only your hands moving but I know if I do not crochet; I forget. It might be small things but I forget. To forget is terribly scary for me. I fear waking again not knowing who I am or those around me who I love. Thankfully, I have recovered to my normal brain age mentality. You can ask my husband, there are moments where I am not my age mentally. But as soon as I create a crochet item, mentally I return. The steady rhythm and constant repetitive motion helps my brain sort itself. So while many crochet for fun (it is fun), I crochet to remember. Remember my name, my husband, my children and the needs of the God given day. Each day is new and fresh for me. Each day is blessings…even more so for the things I remember.   Thank you for letting me share with you why crochet (crafting) to me is a miracle. 

I am so thankful for the love and support of my parents, brother, sister, family members, and friends through this life altering event. God place each every one of you right where I needed you too be. I fail miserably to remember to whom I have thanked. So, thank you, each of you for your kindness, prayers, patience, and love. I would not be who I am today without you and your help. God blesses every day.

Thank you for journeying back with me to celebrate a new life. Now you know a bit more of me - the creator behind Kiser Krafts. Have an EPICALLY awesome blessed day!